We are all changing all the time

Hey hey hey. Long time, no type. So I just got home from a hilarious, Jewish filled night. It all started with services and dancing in circles looking like idiots around the Torah. I've come to realize that it is much more fun to be the idiot than watch others be idiots. If that makes sense. It might not turn out well, but it is so much more fun.

But then I got to spend a few hours on Jenny's bed with Leah. I have realized that is how I have the most fun. Hanging out with friends, just talking and acting silly. I think so far, a lot of people forgot how to have fun, and this was an excellent reminder. As Jenny says, "I just like to chill." Same with me. Give me a bed. A few friends. And you get a good time with lots of laughter. That sounds so sexual but it's not meant to be. . . I like sitting on people's beds and talking about our futures and little anectodes and discussing personal things that don't make me feel so alone in the world. You don't have to have a huge party and get drunk and high and trash someone's house to have fun. You can just hang out.

A lot of hilarious seqences happened this evening which I am too tired to list out, but basically I love being Jewish. And I've also realized tonight that high school is not almost over, so I think I should make the best of it. And by making the best of it, I mean it is going to be fun. That is what I have decided.

I've also thought about homecoming this weekend. And I've decided I don't think I'm going. It's 25 dollars to waste an evening. I've never really been a dance-y person and I doubt this one will be any different. I don't enjoy freak dancing, there is no one I would really want to dance with, and it's just an expensive evening, in which I could be doing much better, more enjoyable things. Like watching Seinfeld reruns... Or working on my unwritten novel... Or going to a play or a movie or other cool things like that. . .That's what I've decided. We'll see what actually happens. But last year I ended up going to zip zero nada dances and it felt good not to sucumb to ridiculous high school expectations. High school is so ridiculous.

Another thing that I realized tonight is: there is nothing wrong with saying ridiculous/possibly stupid things. I mean I ask a lot of dumb questions because I don't filter myself. Jenny, Leah, and I have come to the conclusion that we are social martyrs. Entertainers, in a sense. If I'm confused, I tell people I'm confused. If I don't understand something, I ask them to please explain it to me. Sometimes I say the first thing that pops into my head and it sometimes comes out as ridiculous. But you know what? That's okay. There are only two more years of high school and I shouldn't care what people think. Because sadly (or not sadly), I will never see most of these people again. I will hopefully see the people I want to stay in touch with after high school. Hopefully.

In college, I can start all over again. Which sounds scary and appealing all at the same time. I won't be the same person in college as I am now. I feel like I'm a different person than even last month.

We are all changing all the time.


Good night, my friends.

You know it's a palindrome kind of world.